Tups vs. Mr. Confusion
Where am I actually headed?
I've stumbled upon Mr. Confusion once again. This is why I veer away from becoming idle, hence the troubled thoughts of what am I actually doing in my holy life? I been known and teased for walking faster than normal, that fast is my normal pace. Why the hurry you ask? I just don't like the idea of having a free space in my mind where I will be confused once again if I should be headed east or somewhere; if I should be doing this or the other; if I should still be thinking of him or why bother; if I should be smiling or be a loner; if I should stop or have my stop-over.
My fast pace consumes the gap in my head that always leads me to Mr. Confusion. I want a free mind, a flowing thought. I always tell myself that I don't want to be bothered by the complexities of life; by the hassles of daily living; by the noise of the surrounding; by the jerks and brats around; by that breakup; by the increasing tax in my payslip; by the unsatisfaction that is brought about my employment; by my lack of Friday date; by my idle hands that I can't seem to will to write; by my stubborn mind that just can't forget.
But I was wrong. I am isolating myself from the true sense of living. I can never separate myself from all those negativities. I can never block those from coming and consuming me. I can never stop myself from being bothered and puzzled and insanely affected by those ill feelings. I can't forever be the self-proclaimed strong woman that I thought I am. I can't forever hold these tears from falling. I can't always tell them that I've moved on when I'm actually stuck in the middle of the ground. This is L-I-F-E. Suck it up.
Where am I headed? It's so lame of me to say that I'm headed to the future. To say that is to admit that I am in a way (knock on wood) directionless. I am somewhat aimless at the moment and less productive than I know I could be. I know and I believe in my potentials, but harnessing them in a full stretch is another story. Do I lack the push? No, I lack a slap for me to finally wake up. Do I lack the drive? No, I lack a map for I am lost in lalaland. And I need to wake up, NOW.
I've lost a lot already; a man, an almost sister/bestfriend, my chance of studying again is still slim and I am gradually losing the confidence that someday it will transpire. BUT TUPS IS MORE THAN THAT. SHE'S NOT A LOSER, NEVER WILL BE. I AM A DOER, OR AT LEAST I WILL BE.
Watch out!
- Tups
I've stumbled upon Mr. Confusion once again. This is why I veer away from becoming idle, hence the troubled thoughts of what am I actually doing in my holy life? I been known and teased for walking faster than normal, that fast is my normal pace. Why the hurry you ask? I just don't like the idea of having a free space in my mind where I will be confused once again if I should be headed east or somewhere; if I should be doing this or the other; if I should still be thinking of him or why bother; if I should be smiling or be a loner; if I should stop or have my stop-over.
My fast pace consumes the gap in my head that always leads me to Mr. Confusion. I want a free mind, a flowing thought. I always tell myself that I don't want to be bothered by the complexities of life; by the hassles of daily living; by the noise of the surrounding; by the jerks and brats around; by that breakup; by the increasing tax in my payslip; by the unsatisfaction that is brought about my employment; by my lack of Friday date; by my idle hands that I can't seem to will to write; by my stubborn mind that just can't forget.
But I was wrong. I am isolating myself from the true sense of living. I can never separate myself from all those negativities. I can never block those from coming and consuming me. I can never stop myself from being bothered and puzzled and insanely affected by those ill feelings. I can't forever be the self-proclaimed strong woman that I thought I am. I can't forever hold these tears from falling. I can't always tell them that I've moved on when I'm actually stuck in the middle of the ground. This is L-I-F-E. Suck it up.
Where am I headed? It's so lame of me to say that I'm headed to the future. To say that is to admit that I am in a way (knock on wood) directionless. I am somewhat aimless at the moment and less productive than I know I could be. I know and I believe in my potentials, but harnessing them in a full stretch is another story. Do I lack the push? No, I lack a slap for me to finally wake up. Do I lack the drive? No, I lack a map for I am lost in lalaland. And I need to wake up, NOW.
I've lost a lot already; a man, an almost sister/bestfriend, my chance of studying again is still slim and I am gradually losing the confidence that someday it will transpire. BUT TUPS IS MORE THAN THAT. SHE'S NOT A LOSER, NEVER WILL BE. I AM A DOER, OR AT LEAST I WILL BE.
Watch out!
- Tups
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