On Losing Friends

I don't wanna miss the moon while counting the stars. AGAIN.

This has been my thought process come 2015. Last year is history already, and 2015 is one delectable meal I wanna devour. Sure thing 2014 has been more than good to me -- with all those times I've been laughing my heart out, those times I was in the beach, the time I first decided baking is one hobby I wanna add on my list, every time spent with my nieces, the birth of our new angels (Eunnabells and Zaido), the coffee dates with Inday, the times I was not in the city but out travelling somewhere, the first time I learned about Instagram, my monthly trip to Batangas, my spontaneous dates with my friends, my work -- 2014 has surely been an abundance. And I am more than grateful for those things that made my last year nothing sort of boring. It was a thrilling ride I might add, I wanna say I aced 2014.

But then again, it wasn't all fireworks and confetti last year. Far from being an all-pink-and-purple year. There were grays and browns, sometimes a dash of black even. There were a lot of hours that I was bored (like that's something new), weekends where I dread to go out and then my chosen weekend buddy bailed out on me the last minute, the moment I realized that I, the clingy friend, am somehow being taken for granted. Yeah, and it sucks. I am the kind of friend who's always available, I cancel me-dates and me-times just to be with friends. I am always just a text away, one PM away. Yet how ironic that I felt some people, friends for that matter, didn't see the efforts I was exerting and all, my worth. I was there on their down moments, but they were never to be found on mine. I'll let it pass if she's just some random level 1 friend, someone whom I exchange hi's and hello's occasionally, but I considered her a Level 10 friend!!!! or maybe I was wrong. Yeah, I was completely wrong. Do I regret having her? Of course not. I experienced having a younger sister with her and it's priceless. Do I regret introducing her to my folks? Never will. But attachment is one whole different story. I should not have let myself get attached that deeply had I known she's just another passerby. I have this problem with separation anxiety, you know. I hate the feeling of missing a friend and finding not a single antidote to cure it. So note to self: DO NOT GET TOO ATTACHED TO SOMEONE WHO'S NOT IN FOR A LONG RIDE. it hurts, you know. Yeah, I lost a star. :(

Time isn't something you always ask for from someone. They give it you voluntarily, willingly, selflessly. I know how busy like ants the people of today are, with work, studies, lovelife (??). We all tend to cram, always trying to jump over a hurdle, trying to beat our personal bests. And then we forget that as we accomplish tasks, as we ace in our work, as we excel in our studies, we lose some significant people in our lives. You loosen the grip and they drift away without you even noticing because you are too preoccupied building your own kingdom.

You make time for those who matter, at least that's how, I think, it should work. You don't want to get to the time that you're on your foot watching someone slowly slip away from you. It's not because they so wanted to leave, maybe they do not see that you are still in need of their presence like you used to. Make them feel that they matter and that you care. No one deserves to be a disposable friend.

But I'm not in a place to hold someone beside me while looking at her as she tries to wiggle out of my grip. I'll let her fly, I would even pray for clear skies for her safe flight. You don't hinder someone from being the best she can be, you just don't. You let her fly. But would I be waiting for a comeback? Come on, hitting yourself twice with the same bullet isn't logical nor practical. You just hope and pray that your lives being apart both flourish in some way -- 'cause as bitter as it may sound, you two are not meant to be good buddies from then on. Move on, girl! :)
 
-Tups