Ex-friends

You hurt me immensely. You did. And I let you do so. I gave you that privilege. I granted you that right to bruise me, to wound me. And I hope that made you feel satisfied. If inflicting me this much pain is your cup of tea, then by all means, please.

You're not even an ex-lover, an ex-boyfriend, whatever they term it, for me to feel this bitter. And I admit it without a doubt. I'm still bitter. We're ex-friends now, and I think that's the most painful word that will be ever written in my blog. To be just that, ex-friends. Gone are all things that keep us together. The bond that we've tried (or maybe it's just me) to put between us lingers there no more. There's a vacuum now between us, and as much as I want to fill it with something sweet, flowery, something familiar for us to never part ways, I think it's a two-way thing. I can never fill it enough alone. To rebuild that relationship, my efforts alone won't suffice. We're ex-friends now.

The first few months, I did the chase. I was running after you, but you ran so fast that I wasn't able to keep up. I flooded you with messages like some freaking stalker -- oh, boy, I was your stalker. I wanted to be updated with your whereabouts like we used to. I was thinking that maybe you're just too busy and too consumed with your new world and you'll get back to me in time. But I thought wrong. I thought wrong. We're ex-friends now.

I even asked for you to greet me on my birthday fearing that you might forget my favorite day. Looking back, I just now realized how pathetic I've become. You've had your fair share of life blows, and as much as I wanted to be with you and be sad with you and heal with you, you did not let me. Or maybe I didn't try hard enough, and I apologize if I didn't. We're ex-friends now.

They say that it's natural that not all people are going to stay in your life forever, if such exists. Some are just passerbys. You were. And I've mistaken you to be a permanent fixture in my life. My fault, I guess. But you were so genuine that time you lured me into thinking that ours will be long term. Your efforts fooled me into believing that you intend to stay. Again, my fault, I guess.

We're history now. We're done. And this is the last blow of whatever that's left. One last time, I miss you. We're ex-friends now.