49 Shades of Gray

You're passive

and I'm finding it so hard to deal with it

I can't quite decipher you

You're one complex equation

A chunk of tangled yarn

I want to be able to know what's running in your head

What your thoughts are

How you think about things

How you think about me

Coz i'm clueless and hoping and assuming

and you just keep on leading me on

but you're not saying a thing

And it frustrates the demons in me

It was never black and white

Never yes or no

Should I stay or should I go

Should I do the chase and run after you?

At least tell me something concrete 

I cannot forever play a guessing game

One moment you're into it and then next you're completely ignoring

I want you to be tangible

I want to hold and tag you as mine

I can't help but continue falling

And it scares me because I'm not sure if you'll catch me

You're one unsure chess move

Like I'm walking towards check mate

Can't even calculate if the odds are in my favor

But my feet are still inching towards you

I will them not to because you're an open manwhole 

And I don't want to fall into your dark unknown depth

But my feet are stubborn

Same as my heart and my mind

My whole being, I guess

Just say a word and I'll stop
I will summon myself to stop
Because I want to stop these baseless fears and insecurities
Baseless for your are not mine to begin with.

-tups