On Forgetting

Total wipe-out. System reboot. That F5 key to refresh your life's page. Resetting to factory data like the setting on your smartphone. Going back to square one where there's a clean slate. Forgetting.

I know. It's hard. It's not simple algorithm. And there's no known formula for a speedy and effective forgetting. And come to think of it, it's hilarious how the more we try to forget something, the more its memory seems so fresh even more every day. You're running in circles, baby! I am.

We all have that day, that event, that experience, that person we just wish wasn't part of our life, or we wish it hasn't, for instance, impacted our life the way it did. We think we wrongly invested our time on it, leaving us in the end empty-handed -- you did not profit. And we say, Oh, forget about it. It's history now. We say look on the brighter side of things, but in reality, in your solitude, you're moping and weeping because forgetting it is just not a feasible choice. Admit it, how can you forget that sunny day when your hand's enveloped in his, that magical event of exchange of stares, that wonderful experience of silence just being with him, that person who just never fails to make your heart flutter? It's beyond forgetting. And don't even try to. It will fade in its own course, or it will pale in significance to what's about to unfold, or it will just be one funny memory you can look back to one day. As for today, live with it. Forgetting is for the weak. Learning is how the wise terms it.

Learn from it. Let it be your guide, your sort of reviewer. Let it strengthen you, empower you even. That feeling of being left behind all of a sudden? That feeling of being taken for granted? That ill feeling of having your own so-called fairy tale not having its own happy ever after? You're not the sole person in the universe experiencing that so do not lament and sulk like it's the end of world. Do not curse either. It's okay and normal to feel bad, it's okay to cry and sob, but let it pass. Do not hold onto it for so long. Let it go. And I did not say forget it. Keep the memory. Those are your lessons, I just hope you review them from time to time.

You do not live day by day with your mind set on the things that you think you ought to forget, You might, or surely will, miss the the simple delights of your life. Forgetting is not forced, baby. Let it flow its own way and you will come to it in due time. Amnesia is out of the question as well. It's fictitious. It only happens in TV dramas, and you're not some TV superstar. Momentary forgetting? yeah, I get that. Try Red Horse. But I say that's not really forgetting, that's diversion, and that's a whole different story. For now indulge yourself with those memories and thoughts, there will come a time that all those will mean nothing you. Take baby steps, do not rush.

I choose not to forget, I choose to hold onto it a little bit still. Let me, please. That's the most tangible memory I've got of you. And I will free those memories piece by piece, crumble by crumble, fragment by fragment. But not now. I cannot forget you today, and I'm not sorry nor ashamed of that. Forget me, do not mind me. As easy as it was for you to let go, it will never be the same for me. Forgetting is not for me, baby.

-tups